Unforced Rhythms of Grace

In June I attended a two day conference called The Storyline Conference in Portland.  Basically the idea is to think of your life as a story and if it were a story, what would you want that story to be? When I wrote the recap of 2011, I found myself thinking of the story.  There were ups and downs but overall, I made progress.  So I want to tell the story of 2012.  I know that the reality will end up being different but that’s okay.  Starting on New Year’s Day I will begin the practice of daily devotion by using the devotional we got at church.  This will center my day and give the first part of it to God.  I will make coffee and breakfast at home and do my devotion before I leave in the morning.  I will also use this as the inspiration for weekly blog posts during the year. Each day I will also track my food and I will exercise 4-5 times per week.  As I get stronger with my running and working out I will take on new challenges.  One of the challenges will be a 10k run.  At some po

It doesn’t seem like that long since I posted my goals for 2011.  I decided to choose 11 goals that would propel me forward.  They gave me direction.  Although I have to say that most of them evolved, I am further along then I was last year.  I will make some new goals for this year.  They are already brewing in my mind.  If I review this year’s goals, I think it will help me make even better goals for this year. 1.  Run a 5K in under 40 minutes – I have continued to work on running.  I will not have run a 5K in 40 minutes.  What has happened for me this year is that I have done distances a bit further than 5K (three miles.)  My longest distance so far is about 4.5 miles.  I have found that if I try to push too hard, I end up injuring myself. 2.  Spend one afternoon (or evening) per month taking pictures – I think I spent about four afternoons taking pictures.  I loved doing it.  I find it relaxing.  I would like to get this back into my life somehow.  I am not sure how to make it

I was sitting on the bus doing my bible reading plan.  The passage I read was this: 1 In the beginning the Word already existed.       The Word was with God,       and the Word was God. 2 He existed in the beginning with God. 3 God created everything through him,       and nothing was created except through him. 4 The Word gave life to everything that was created,       and his life brought light to everyone. 5 The light shines in the darkness,       and the darkness can never extinguish it. (John 1: 1-5, NLT) I have read this dozens of times, like everyone else.  I have tried to understand the part about ‘the Word’, the Word being Jesus and how that actually works.  The thing is that I got stuck on that and didn’t read the part about how the light shines into the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it. I was awestruck.  The darkness can’t extinguish the light.  It is a truth that resonates with me.  No matter how dark I think things are, God still shines th

Today is the anniversary of the day my Mom passed away.  It is sunny outside today but the ground is covered in a blanket of fresh snow – the first major snowfall of the year.  I went out for a short run this morning and now I am sitting in Starbucks with a Venti Skinny Peppermint Mocha.  I have to admit that I don’t know how to feel about the day. Generally I spend a lot of time dreading the date.  I have been down lately and I have attributed it to what my friend refers to as body memories.  Even if I am not thinking about it, my body knows it is coming.  That said, I haven’t been dreading today.  It wasn’t the first thing I thought about when I woke up. I do have a sense of sadness.  I am wondering what my Mom would think about me right now.  I have been making so many positive changes in my life for my health.  Those things were important to my Mom.  Would she be proud of me for being committed enough to run outside in the snow and cold weather?  I remember the day that she pass

The beginning of the November makes me feel like the year is drawing to a close.  There is lots of time left but it ends up getting taken up by Christmas parties, gatherings, and shopping.  It feels like the time to achieve my goals has already passed.  Or has it? I hesitate to post about my resolutions.  Every one was so supportive and even inspired.  So to look at my resolutions today feels like a bit of a disappointment.  I am afraid to let people down.  I feel like I have failed. When I read my resolutions I know I have achieved a couple of them.  I have also changed my approach on many of them.  I still have some time to work on others. In March I started struggling with some health issues that prevented me from working out.  My food intake was nowhere near 80% healthy.  I really struggled.  By the time the summer came, I was quite weak and had gained a lot of weight.  I decided it was time to commit to a weight loss program so I joined Weight Watchers at the beginning of July.

There is a song by Nicole Nordeman that I have loved for years.  I have been thinking about it today: I want to leave a legacy How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough To make a mark on things I want to leave an offering A child of mercy and grace Who blessed Your name unapologetically And leave that kind of legacy I went to a funeral for a man who was born nine months after me.  He was a co-worker  who I had the privilege of working with this year before he went on leave.  I had known of him but never worked with him directly.  He talked about his illness openly and his courage left so much of a mark on me that, even though I had only worked with him very briefly, I felt compelled to attend his funeral.  When I looked around at the attendees, it was clear that many of my co-workers felt the same way. This man had a daughter who has special needs.  He also has a young son.  His battle with cancer has been several years long.  During his struggle with

This is a video created to promote our Dragon Boat Team.  I am putting myself out there:-)  So if you enjoy this video, please consider donating to support the Canadian Cancer Society.  You can complete your donation online by going to my personal fundraising page  and clicking on Support Misty.

Then Jesus went through the towns and villages, teaching as he made his way to Jerusalem. Someone asked him, “Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?” He said to them, “Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, ‘Sir, open the door for us.’ “But he will answer, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from.’ “Then you will say, ‘We ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.’ “But he will reply, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from. Away from me, all you evildoers!’ “There will be weeping there, and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves thrown out. People will come from east and west and north and south, and will take their places at the feast in the kingdom of God. Indeed there are those who are last who will

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7, NSV) Sometimes I struggle with feeling truly feminine.  I do not have a lot of the things in my life that many would associate with womanhood.  I am not a mother.  I am not a wife.  I am not dating anyone.  I would like to have all of those things but it just hasn’t happened for me yet.  On the flipside, I have some characteristics that are typically associated with being male.  I am good with technology, I love video games, I work in Information Technology, I do chores on my own that my married friends leave to their husbands. It used to be painful for me when others referred to me as a ‘techie.’  One day God redeemed that for me when someone I respect (and who I would view as being a model of femininity) said to me, “I think it is very cool that you are a woman who is a techie.”  Since then God has used several instances to show me how he is using my femininity and my ability with technology to s

You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going.  Now you’re named and kept for good by the Shepherd of you souls.  (1 Peter 2:25, The Message) I have been pretty silent lately when it comes to this blog.  That’s because I didn’t really know what to say.  I had some health issues that made me tired all of the time and feeling like I had the flu a lot of the time.  I stopped exercising because I barely had enough energy to get through the day, never mind run.  The doctor did a bunch of tests and found that most of my results were just a little bit off.  I felt the same way spiritually. I didn’t know what to do so I started a Bible reading plan on faith.  The passage above is one of the first ones I read.  It reminded me that, although I felt totally lost and confused, I had a Guide.  I was not alone in my struggle.  I didn’t understand what was happening but He did, and He could heal me. I am starting to feel a lot better now.  Last week I went to Portland for t

Mother’s Day is a double edged sword for me.  I am not a mother.  I would like to be one.  I also lost my mom at a somewhat young age.  I feel like the adult me never got to know my Mom.  A friend of mine posted a link on her Facebook page that almost undid me on Friday.  This line really grabbed me: “each milestone is a mile more in the road that we don’t walk together.'” Even though I am sad, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the women who have taken the time to speak life into me over and over again.  I have been blessed with so many friends over the years.  Many of them a little older than me but some my age or younger.  They have had wisdom and words of encouragement.  They have modelled for me what it really means to be a woman of faith.  They honoured me as a woman and called me out.  So to all of those women I say “Happy Mother’s Day!”

Last weekend I gave a testimony at church.  I shared some things with hundreds of people that I had never shared publically before.  I was terrified.  I had a knot in my stomach all week.  I went through a bunch of scenarios in my head that included me having to find a new church after the old one pushed me out.  I was needy, asking for reassurance from those I trusted.  I did it anyway. Why?  I did it because I knew God was asking me to.  I haven’t figured out what it means for others yet.  I hope that I was part of a path for some to greater wholeness.  I am not even sure what it means for me yet, except that none of my nightmare scenarios came true.  I am blessed to be part of a wonderful community of people who warmly welcomed me to the ‘stage’. In the past couple days I have had the opportunity to hear my pastor speak.  Last night he spoke at an event our church is calling Revive.  I have to say he pretty much never teaches what I think he will.  Last night he taught that in ord

I returned from vacation last Thursday.  I was somewhat rested I guess but I found myself feeling stressed.  I have to say I haven’t been on track with workouts or food for the past couple of weeks.  I didn’t even count the number of healthy meals.  At times like this it is easy to get down on yourself and I did.  I had a difficult weekend. I do know that I see progress in myself.  I asked for help and prayer from some friends.  I know I wouldn’t have done that before.  I would have just allowed myself to sink deeper into the hole I was digging for myself.  Sometimes I am tempted to believe that God won’t forgive me for my latest failure…  that I have exceeded the boundaries one too many times.  It is friends we need to remind us that is not the truth.  They love us unconditionally, hug us when we feel un-hug-able. Yesterday I started my new running clinic.  I am taking the same program over again because I don’t feel ready to progress to the next one.  As soon as I arrived I knew I

Someone asked me last week in the comments what the coldest I have ever run in was.  I often get comments about how impressed people are that I am still running outside no matter the weather.  I used to make the same comments and I actually thought that running outside in super cold weather was dangerous.  I have learned that I was wrong. The coldest I have run in so far is –32 Celsius.   It was –40 with the wind chill.  I haven’t had the opportunity to run in anything colder.  I haven’t set a limit for myself.  The cold doesn’t really keep me from running.  What would keep me from running outside is if the sidewalks were impassable (either too icy or covered with  a lot of snow.)  So far I haven’t had to run on those days.  I have cold weather gear and grips for my runners. I have found that I actually enjoy the cooler weather when I am running.  I am warm but I don’t get too hot.  I realized that this winter I don’t feel as trapped.  I get outside and run no matter what.  It is fr

I realized a couple of weeks ago that I was regretting entering The Biggest Loser contest at work.  At first I thought this would just help me focus on my goal.  I have found that it is counter-productive for me.  I am focusing on a number on the scale…  a goal I never set.  I know that if I strive for eating healthy and exercising I will lose weight.  It just won’t be on a timeline.  Today I am starting to understand that I need to ignore the contest or it will drive me crazy. I have had some aches and pains that are on the edge of injury.  I am committed to continue to run.  I did a strength training workout this week as well.  I chose not to do a second strength training because I was already in pain on Thursday and I was afraid I would injure myself.  I think it was the right choice. Yesterday I did run six  minutes walk one minute.  I have never done that before.  I think six minutes is the longest I have run and that was with an equal walking interval.  It was really hard and b

I have been looking forward to this weekend for a couple of weeks now.  I knew that I would need to recuperate from this week.  After I have been in near crisis mode for two weeks it is difficult to stop my mind from spinning.  I had thought that I would get things back in order and get back to life as normal.  I am realizing today that I still need to take it slow and be kind to myself. I have done pretty well these two weeks.  I kept up with my running.  I ate mostly healthy when I could.  I have enough meals in the freezer to keep eating healthy meals.  Today I am going to start my new strength training program.  Cleaning the apartment from top to bottom might just have to wait.

The next two weeks are presenting a lot of challenge to my resolutions.  In other words, I am crazy busy.  I have been trying to think of when I am going to be able to get my workouts in.  I also want to remain somewhat sane over the next two weeks.  So I have come up with a plan. I know I need to keep my running workouts up or I won’t keep up with the class.  So I need to find time to do that.  As for the strength training workouts they will be on hold for the next two weeks.  I just got a new program from my trainer this week so I am looking forward to trying them but now is not the time.  That means that I will likely only get three workouts in a week. I also know that in order to be strong through this time I need to eat properly.  I have been storing some meals in my freezer and this weekend I am cooking some more.  I should have almost enough to get me through the two weeks.  So I will be able to keep up with that.  And I know that I set the 80% goal so I will give myself permi

This week I have been thinking about how God is always teaching us.  I never expected that my goal to run a 5k in under 40 minutes would bring me to such a place where I had to explore some of my deepest wounds.  I started sharing goals on Facebook last year which was a huge step.  I even talked about hitting a wall in my blog.  That said I have stayed away from really sharing about the struggle. These few weeks I have found God calling me to move past that.  When I have shared that I am struggling people have been profoundly supportive.  I am bolstered by their support.  And I am happy to report that for the past two weeks at my running class I have someone to run with. Sometimes I have felt like these goals are self-indulgent.  Now I know that I have been really living.  And God has been using these times to help me face my insecurities about not been able to keep up with the group to teach me about asking for and accepting help.  He has also taught me that people are willing to

When I run I typically listen to a Podcast that I have downloaded.  I have been downloading Podcasts from my own church that I have missed.  More often (since I don’t miss that many and there would only be one a week anyway) I listen to other pastors.  On Monday I was listening to Shane Hipps .  He is a teacher at Mars Hill Church in Michigan.  You may be more familiar with the lead Pastor from that church Rob Bell . Shane was speaking on the concept of calling.  As I was in my last running interval he said something like this: “God wants us to do this stuff because he thinks they will be fun for us.”  He challenged the idea that if we don’t answer our calling we will anger or disappoint God.  He wants the best for us.  He thinks we will enjoy these things.  Will we always enjoy them?  Probably not.  In the learning stages and through some difficult times our calling will be just plain hard and no fun at all.  But overall, we are called to things that God knows will nourish our soul. 

Well I have to admit that this week has been less than stellar in terms of resolution progress.  My food intake was only about 50% healthy.  I owe this partially to the fact that I wasn’t prepared going into the week and then my car wasn’t working properly with the cold weather here.  I did make some progress though.  I worked out four times.  I prayed most days. My Scripture reading isn’t where I want it to be.  That said I am realizing today that perhaps I can’t make all of these changes at once.  I will try again once I have a strong foundation of working out and I get back into a rhythm. I signed up for a running clinic.  It started yesterday.  So there I was dressed in layers to run in –30 Celsius without the wind chill.  The weather itself didn’t end up that bad.  But to be honest II struggled.  I knew I ran slow but it became all the more apparent when I couldn’t keep up with the rest of the group (all beginning runners.)  The instructor came back for me a couple of times.  Sti

After I posted about my resolutions I found myself coming across other things I ‘should’ have put on there: - oh I shouldn’t be on Facebook so much - oh I should clean out the closet in the bedroom - oh I should have been more specific/strict about the definition of a healthy meal And the list goes on. All of these things are good things to do.  What I found out was that my resolutions focused me.  I was able to say, “yes but that’s not what I am working on right now.”  It seemed that none of them were more important than the things I was already working on.  And some of them might never happen or will happen naturally as a subset of what I am already doing. I have made some progress on my resolutions.  I realized that I needed a plan and a way to measure them.  I am using a calendar I got for free to record the number of healthy meals, workouts, times I prayed, time I spent on scripture, events with friends, and photography sessions. Working out has been going very well.  I

I remember the day I all of a sudden felt like I was ready to move.  It was December 30th.  In the days leading up to my vacation I had felt a considerable pull to watch television, play video games, have naps, read, or do anything that didn’t require energy or thought.  From about December 23rd on, I did very little.  I didn’t feel well.  I was tired.  I enjoyed my time with friends but I also felt like I needed considerable time at home. I have typically viewed this as behaviour I want to change.  Yet knowing how I felt suddenly on December 30th I wonder if this is the way God built me.  My periods of rest involve things that others may view as ‘wasting my time’.   It wasn’t a waste of time.   I think it is what I needed. If at that point I would have been exercising regularly, I would have kept it up.  Food is always an issue during the holidays but I think I would have had a better time of eating healthy if I had been doing that all along.  So maybe the key is not punishing mysel